To give birth where I feel safest and most secure is to give birth at home alone, without medical attention/intervention, or the presence of anyone except family. Oscar and I made the decision to "free birth" when we were 20 weeks pregnant with our first daughter. That was over six years ago and the decision to do so is still impacting our lives to this day. Birth is so sacred and profound and it has been life changing to embrace the experience in a way that feels in such alignment with our souls. It has changed us so deeply and more than ever has expanded our trust and faith in ourselves, in the natural process of life, and in the divine that flows through and orchestrates all things. This was our second unassisted pregnancy and third free birth, and there really are no words for how the compounding experiences have changed our family. When Luna was born, only Oscar and I were present. When Gaia was born, my mom was in the house watching Luna but only Oscar and I were in the room during her birth. With Ori, Oscar, Luna and Gaia were all in the room at birth, with my sister and mom joining shortly after. It's a joy to share our experiences here with you all and to plant the seed of empowerment for women, men and families everywhere. There are so many beautiful choices when it comes to birth and you have the power to choose what feels best for you! I hope you enjoy our story. Thank you for following along and being such a sweet part of our journey. We love you!
Labor felt like it was starting for almost a week. Everyone was in such great anticipation of when this baby would really decide to come, the energy of it all was crazy. It was a Tuesday night when I lost some of my mucus plug and had that feeling of really being so close. I was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant and thought for sure a baby would be with us within a day. Oscar stayed home from work the next day and took care of me while the girls were out with my dad, but labor never picked up. The next day, Thursday, Valentine’s Day. Oscar and I checked in and decided it was a good idea if he went back to work and I had some time home to myself, as labor wasn’t really picking up at all, and we wanted to save as many of his days off as possible.
Around noon I had a feeling things were now getting “really real” as my contractions started showing a rhythmic pattern for the first time, but it was still hard to tell with all the start and stop over the previous few days. I was home alone and wasn’t sure when to tell Oscar to leave work or my mom to bring the girls back over. After making some lunch and feeling things with the same consistency, I felt SURE we’d be having a baby that day or the next. Since it was raining hard and Oscar was an hour away, I called him and told him he should start heading home. I gave my mom an update and waited for things to pick up a bit more and then had my sister/photographer drive up here.
Oscar was home now and it was around 4pm. Contractions were light but consistently coming every 5 minutes. My sister came over and took some photos and helped get the birth tub set up. It’s funny because I told Oscar about a week prior that I didn’t see myself using the tub, which is strange as I’ve always craved being in water with both previous labors. But sure enough, once the tub was all set up and labor started picking up even more, I told him I didn’t want to be in water. Something about it just didn’t feel stable. I craved the ground. I felt like being in a little nest and asked him to set up some blankets and pillows in our room on the floor.
The early stages of true labor gently started over the next few hours. Around 7:30 my mom came over and put the girls to sleep here. Things really started picking up after that and I slipped into the primal birth world. Around 10pm we had my mom and sister come back over, as I thought we were getting close. The plan was for my mom to bring the girls up to our room when the time came for Ori to be born and for my sister to take photos. But things slowed down a bit and I told Oscar to send them back home to rest. I was laboring on the floor on my hands and knees, occasionally getting up to sit on the toilet with the squatty potty under my feet. I kept thinking how grateful I was for the chance to rest between surges and every time I got a break I would lay down and just try to get into a state of sleep.
Contractions were coming every minute or two at this point and with the intensity where you have to grip on to something and breathe deeeep. I kept saying “yes yes yes, more please”, even though it felt so intense, I knew this was bringing my baby to me. I was losing bits of mucus plug with blood now. I started puking and pooping and was feeling close to pushing. At this time I reached that point where I felt so tired and was growing weary of doing this. Those little thoughts came... “How long can this last? I’m so tired. I need to sleep, need this to be done. Can this go on forever? Come on baby.” I knew this was transition. Yes. This is how I KNOW she’s close. “Keep going mama. You’ve got this! There’s no room for complaining when you are honored to usher in life, and it’s almost over” I thought to myself. I laid in Oscar’s lap and his calming and grounding presence reminded me that our baby girl was truly almost here. I gathered my strength and that’s when things took a psychedelic turn.
Fully in the raw birth world now. I’m sitting on the toilet and my eyes are closed, I’m swaying all over with a big surge and am on my toes. I reach down and can feel myself starting to have the slightest bulge. She’s on her way down. I tell Oscar to go get the girls and put them in our bed. He carries them up and also calls my mom and sister to come back over. It’s a few minutes after midnight. I have a few strong surges and try to push with them but it doesn’t feel right. My body is saying no, not yet. I wait to push and continue to breathe through them instead, spiraling the sensation of the contraction down into the earth rather than up through my body. Breathe. Open. Release. Oscar is right there with me being the best support ever, the whole time attentive to my needs and subtle energy. Getting me water, gently touching me, encouraging me with his words, wiping poop. Haha! Best dad doula a girl could ask for.
I get those first few surges where I can’t help but to push and drops of blood start to come out. Yes, yes! My body is bearing down. She’s coming. Oscar gets the girls up out of bed and tells them their sister is going to be born and they all get behind me. I’m on all fours and they are just watching attentively. After 10 minutes or so the girls both tell me they can see the head, even though it wasn’t fully presenting yet, and I just feel so happy we’re so close! My hand is on my yoni and with each surge I feel that bulge expanding, my body and pelvis opening. This is my favorite part, YES, I think. I have two of the biggest most intense contractions I’ve ever experienced during birth and I’m pushing with a strength inside of me I’ve never seen. On the second surge I feel her head and everything inside of me feels such an urge to get her out quickly. I need the strength of being on all fours now and ask Oscar if he’s got her, he says yes.
The whole world is opening. It feels like she’s being pulled out of me and I say “gentle, gentle, don’t pull,” even though I know Oscar would never pull on our baby, the weight of her plus gravity just felt with an intensity I hadn’t experienced previously. Oscar sweetly reminds me that it’s all me. Her body is now half way out and I don’t wait for another contraction, just ride the energy of the previous one and primally bear down and push. I feel her slippery body fly out of me and ahhhhhh!!! The sweet relief. She’s here. Crying and active right away. Amazing color. Perfectly healthy babe. We had totally forgotten to tell my mom and sister to come upstairs and weren’t even sure they were there, it was all a blur, so at this point they walk in and my sister captured some photos and my mom helped with towels, etc for me and the baby. It was so beautiful. All of us there just taking in Ori and waiting for me to birth the placenta.
I never got more contractions or felt an urge to push. We waited almost thirty minutes until I said let’s just do it. I got on all fours and easily pushed the placenta out of me. Oscar prepared it with herbs and salt for our lotus birth and we all just took in Ori. The girls got to eat little celebration chocolates. I was bleeding and felt like showering and for the first time ever, gave our baby over to Oscar right away and went and rinsed myself. I was shaking with adrenaline and euphoria, exhaustion and hunger. My mom made me toast and I got into bed with Oscar and Ori and our girls. After a few minutes of all being together, my mom and sister put the girls to bed and left Oscar and I to take in our new life. We were up until 4am with her just high on oxytocin and the magic of our creation. Feeling such immense gratitude for another beautiful free birth with just family present, for another healthy baby and healthy mama and everything just going smoothly. And in those beautiful moments and in the hours and days to follow, our love multiplied and we solidified as a family of 5.
Labor felt like it was starting for almost a week. Everyone was in such great anticipation of when this baby would really decide to come, the energy of it all was crazy. It was a Tuesday night when I lost some of my mucus plug and had that feeling of really being so close. I was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant and thought for sure a baby would be with us within a day. Oscar stayed home from work the next day and took care of me while the girls were out with my dad, but labor never picked up. The next day, Thursday, Valentine’s Day. Oscar and I checked in and decided it was a good idea if he went back to work and I had some time home to myself, as labor wasn’t really picking up at all, and we wanted to save as many of his days off as possible.
Around noon I had a feeling things were now getting “really real” as my contractions started showing a rhythmic pattern for the first time, but it was still hard to tell with all the start and stop over the previous few days. I was home alone and wasn’t sure when to tell Oscar to leave work or my mom to bring the girls back over. After making some lunch and feeling things with the same consistency, I felt SURE we’d be having a baby that day or the next. Since it was raining hard and Oscar was an hour away, I called him and told him he should start heading home. I gave my mom an update and waited for things to pick up a bit more and then had my sister/photographer drive up here.
Oscar was home now and it was around 4pm. Contractions were light but consistently coming every 5 minutes. My sister came over and took some photos and helped get the birth tub set up. It’s funny because I told Oscar about a week prior that I didn’t see myself using the tub, which is strange as I’ve always craved being in water with both previous labors. But sure enough, once the tub was all set up and labor started picking up even more, I told him I didn’t want to be in water. Something about it just didn’t feel stable. I craved the ground. I felt like being in a little nest and asked him to set up some blankets and pillows in our room on the floor.
The early stages of true labor gently started over the next few hours. Around 7:30 my mom came over and put the girls to sleep here. Things really started picking up after that and I slipped into the primal birth world. Around 10pm we had my mom and sister come back over, as I thought we were getting close. The plan was for my mom to bring the girls up to our room when the time came for Ori to be born and for my sister to take photos. But things slowed down a bit and I told Oscar to send them back home to rest. I was laboring on the floor on my hands and knees, occasionally getting up to sit on the toilet with the squatty potty under my feet. I kept thinking how grateful I was for the chance to rest between surges and every time I got a break I would lay down and just try to get into a state of sleep.
Contractions were coming every minute or two at this point and with the intensity where you have to grip on to something and breathe deeeep. I kept saying “yes yes yes, more please”, even though it felt so intense, I knew this was bringing my baby to me. I was losing bits of mucus plug with blood now. I started puking and pooping and was feeling close to pushing. At this time I reached that point where I felt so tired and was growing weary of doing this. Those little thoughts came... “How long can this last? I’m so tired. I need to sleep, need this to be done. Can this go on forever? Come on baby.” I knew this was transition. Yes. This is how I KNOW she’s close. “Keep going mama. You’ve got this! There’s no room for complaining when you are honored to usher in life, and it’s almost over” I thought to myself. I laid in Oscar’s lap and his calming and grounding presence reminded me that our baby girl was truly almost here. I gathered my strength and that’s when things took a psychedelic turn.
Fully in the raw birth world now. I’m sitting on the toilet and my eyes are closed, I’m swaying all over with a big surge and am on my toes. I reach down and can feel myself starting to have the slightest bulge. She’s on her way down. I tell Oscar to go get the girls and put them in our bed. He carries them up and also calls my mom and sister to come back over. It’s a few minutes after midnight. I have a few strong surges and try to push with them but it doesn’t feel right. My body is saying no, not yet. I wait to push and continue to breathe through them instead, spiraling the sensation of the contraction down into the earth rather than up through my body. Breathe. Open. Release. Oscar is right there with me being the best support ever, the whole time attentive to my needs and subtle energy. Getting me water, gently touching me, encouraging me with his words, wiping poop. Haha! Best dad doula a girl could ask for.
I get those first few surges where I can’t help but to push and drops of blood start to come out. Yes, yes! My body is bearing down. She’s coming. Oscar gets the girls up out of bed and tells them their sister is going to be born and they all get behind me. I’m on all fours and they are just watching attentively. After 10 minutes or so the girls both tell me they can see the head, even though it wasn’t fully presenting yet, and I just feel so happy we’re so close! My hand is on my yoni and with each surge I feel that bulge expanding, my body and pelvis opening. This is my favorite part, YES, I think. I have two of the biggest most intense contractions I’ve ever experienced during birth and I’m pushing with a strength inside of me I’ve never seen. On the second surge I feel her head and everything inside of me feels such an urge to get her out quickly. I need the strength of being on all fours now and ask Oscar if he’s got her, he says yes.
The whole world is opening. It feels like she’s being pulled out of me and I say “gentle, gentle, don’t pull,” even though I know Oscar would never pull on our baby, the weight of her plus gravity just felt with an intensity I hadn’t experienced previously. Oscar sweetly reminds me that it’s all me. Her body is now half way out and I don’t wait for another contraction, just ride the energy of the previous one and primally bear down and push. I feel her slippery body fly out of me and ahhhhhh!!! The sweet relief. She’s here. Crying and active right away. Amazing color. Perfectly healthy babe. We had totally forgotten to tell my mom and sister to come upstairs and weren’t even sure they were there, it was all a blur, so at this point they walk in and my sister captured some photos and my mom helped with towels, etc for me and the baby. It was so beautiful. All of us there just taking in Ori and waiting for me to birth the placenta.
I never got more contractions or felt an urge to push. We waited almost thirty minutes until I said let’s just do it. I got on all fours and easily pushed the placenta out of me. Oscar prepared it with herbs and salt for our lotus birth and we all just took in Ori. The girls got to eat little celebration chocolates. I was bleeding and felt like showering and for the first time ever, gave our baby over to Oscar right away and went and rinsed myself. I was shaking with adrenaline and euphoria, exhaustion and hunger. My mom made me toast and I got into bed with Oscar and Ori and our girls. After a few minutes of all being together, my mom and sister put the girls to bed and left Oscar and I to take in our new life. We were up until 4am with her just high on oxytocin and the magic of our creation. Feeling such immense gratitude for another beautiful free birth with just family present, for another healthy baby and healthy mama and everything just going smoothly. And in those beautiful moments and in the hours and days to follow, our love multiplied and we solidified as a family of 5.
